What I Wish She Knew… Mesothelioma, Cancer and Me

April 19, 2015

It started with a persistent cough. Some wheezing, a tight chest. One trip to the doctor, then two. It started, really, out of nowhere — and then before you know it…

This is what I wish she knew.

I wish she knew I loved her. It was not an end-of-life thing or a looking-back-on-life thing, I wish she knew I loved her before, during and after cancer; that she knew I meant it, always, when I said it.

I wish she knew I wanted better for the both of us. We had a life together, all these plans, from summer trips to grandchildren to building that house by the lake. I wish she knew I wanted those things too; that the future we shared, that dream, was all I wanted.

I wish she knew she was enough. That there was nothing more I wanted, that she didn’t have to change herself — not quit her job or stop the things she loved to do, not learn to cook my favorite foods or try to learn a newfound patience, helping for hours as I tried to get the energy to finish eating the food on my plate.

I wish she knew I was so sorry. Deadly cancers like mesothelioma are never something you ask for, and they are very often out of your control, but all the same I wish she knew I was sorry, for taking away, with my cancer, from all those years and all that joy we could have had.

I wish she knew I would have given anything. That nothing, no one would ask for a deadly cancer like mesothelioma — that’s the truth. But even more I would have done anything to not have had it, to go back in time and take myself out of the environmental contaminants and dangerous jobs that I couldn’t have known, not way back then, would make me so sick years later.

I wish she knew she didn’t have to do all that — not the driving to and from and back to doctors, not the endless second opinions and rethinking of the doctor’s advised treatment plans, but the endless nights spent taking care of me and waking up early to help clean the house and do the chores I used to be responsible for; the time she called all our friends we lost touch with to update them on our lives and the time she spent finding the perfect gift to help me remember what we had. She did not have to go so above and beyond to make me feel so loved and happy for what we had, but she did anyways.

I wish she knew I’ll never leave her. That even though I may not be physically here for her that much longer, that I’ll be here for her in spirit. That she’ll always have the memories, always remember who I was and what we meant to each other — that my being gone will never be okay, but that she will never have to remember who we were to each other or what we had. That I’ll be there for her always, someway, somehow.

And I wish she knew this wasn’t right, or even meant to be. That my deadly mesothelioma cancer is rare but not random — that it happens to men and women who were working in or around asbestos fibers and were wrongfully exposed, or somehow were exposed to asbestos from their loved one’s clothes or warm embrace.

For all of us, dying from mesothelioma was not fair or right. We were exposed to a carcinogen, asbestos, that has been known to cause the deadly cancer, mesothelioma. Of course we never knew this while we were working all those years. Because if we had known… you know what we’d be doing: We’d be talking, we’d be fighting, we’d be voicing our concerns, to protect ourselves and our loved ones from a cancer that should never even have existed, should never have killed so many.

It may be too late for us — but it’s not too late for our children, not too late for our loved ones, not too late for the people today who may be wrongfully exposed to asbestos in their jobs or environments. For those people, and for her, we’ll fight back with a mesothelioma lawsuit, because we deserve our most basic protection from this dangerous and lethal cancer. It’s done enough damage already.

If you agree, you can contact a mesothelioma lawyer at Baron and Budd as soon as you can at (866) 538-0485 or contact us online to find out how you can speak up, get financially compensated and do what you can to protect your family today.