Family Counseling

Family relationships are complicated, even without a major medical illness like mesothelioma or asbestos cancer in the picture. Sometimes in the face of a mesothelioma diagnosis, informal conversations among family members aren’t enough to help people plan, prepare for and cope with the disease and its consequences. That’s when more structured sessions, such as family meetings or formal counseling sessions, can help.

Family Meetings

It is often helpful to hold family meetings—events specifically arranged to discuss the cancer situation and the needs of the mesothelioma patient and/or caregiver(s) (these meetings should not be part of other family events such as holiday celebrations). Family meetings can be held in the presence of a doctor, nurse, hospice worker or other professional who can help get all the close family members or friends “on the same page” regarding what lies ahead. Try to set up family meetings when people are not hurried or harried, so they can focus on the topics at hand.

It’s important at family meetings that mesothelioma cancer patients and their caregivers clearly state their own wishes and communicate honestly about the mesothelioma prognosis, needs and wishes for future care.

Set a clear goal (or goals) for the meeting, and prepare what you wish to say. Such meetings might focus on understanding the current status of the mesothelioma and its likely course; what to expect medically and emotionally; and who can do what to help in the days ahead. The meetings can also allow family members to voice their opinions (and receive answers) about different treatment approaches or expectations. Sometimes more than one meeting might be needed, to allow people to process the information they have received, and to build consensus.

Family members are likely to approach the meeting in various mental states, including shock and grief, and might need to vent sadness, anger or other emotions. Also, they might refuse to endorse the plan you have laid out, instead continuing to argue for some other course. It might be helpful to ask them what worries them most about the situation, and address those fears. It’s important to listen closely to these concerns and acknowledge the love that motivates them. You might have to gently assert that these decisions ultimately belong to the mesothelioma patient (or a designated decision-maker)—and that you are comfortable living with the consequences.

Considering a Counselor

Sometimes emotions like anger, depression or anxiety, or feelings of helplessness can get in the way of family relationships or even treatment plans. Perhaps fights arise every time certain mesothelioma-related topics are raised, or members of the family shut down emotionally. Maybe everyone is feeling so overwhelmed that it’s hard to make important decisions. Long-term issues, such as ongoing squabbles among family members or fear of being dependent on others, can also inhibit honest communication. A mesothelioma patient’s, or caregiver’s, stress levels might be so high that talking frankly about what’s happening is nearly impossible. Even day-to-day problems can feel difficult to address.

Remember that mesothelioma requires not only rigorous medical care but attention to emotional issues that can profoundly affect the mesothelioma patient and the family. Many people who would not ordinarily seek aid from any type of mental health professional often benefit greatly from seeking extra support in the context of cancer.

Finding a Counselor

Your mesothelioma cancer care team can be a valuable resource in finding specialized counseling, especially aimed at issues that mesothelioma cancer patients and their families face. Often, services are provided directly through your mesothelioma cancer center. Even if services aren’t available there, an oncology nurse, social worker or your physician should be able to help you find the type of counselor and services most suited to your needs.

Counselors that might help include: licensed professional counselors, or licensed marriage or family therapists; oncology or psychiatric social workers; psychologists; and pastoral counselors. Assistance from a psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse practitioner might be warranted if a mesothelioma patient or caregiver is suffering from, say, a deep and lasting depression. And don’t forget that local support groups can provide a needed emotional outlet—and their members might also know counselors who have been helpful to them.

If possible, try to interview several counselors to find one that is a good fit for you and your family. Be sure to check whether each counselor has experience working with mesothelioma patients. Ask about the approach the counselor uses, his or her education and training and fees. In addition, make sure the counselor is able to focus on the issues you believe are problems. Depending on the progress you eventually make, you might have to re-evaluate what issues you and your loved ones focus on with the counselor, and whether another counselor or another approach might be more beneficial.